The Story #16: The Public Radio Talent Quest

(Next in a series on my quest for competent medical care.)

If I was asked to name the character I most resembled, I’d have to say Dobie Gillis for how I think. For you Gen-Xers, Dobie was a character in a TV sitcom that aired from 1959 to 1963. During the first season of The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis, Dobie would begin and end the episode sitting on a park bench posed like Auguste Rodin’s statue, “The Thinker” — leaning forward with one elbow and one arm balanced on one leg and his chin resting on his fist.

I was in this same position on the toilet when I decided to enter the Public Radio Talent Quest on the last possible day to enter. NPR had been promoting the contest run by the Public Radio Exchange (PRX) for months in 2007. Its goal was to find three new on-air radio hosts and develop pilot shows that showcased their talent.

Being ill with no radio experience whatsoever and being a mediocre speaker at best, I didn’t consider participating in the endeavor until that last day. Oxygen deprived and having a tough time breathing, I decided just then to chance an entry as an attempt to bring my plight and others’ difficulties obtaining medical care to the forefront. Then maybe, I thought, some kind soul would take pity on me and offer some assistance. I knew before I even started that I wouldn’t make it beyond the first cut. I hoped I would do better, but I knew I didn’t have a clue of what I was doing.

I drafted my two minute spiel based on a mock radio show about patient and doctor health care experiences. Actually my presentation was a bit more biased in favor of patients as evidenced by the description: “The show is based on a three-year investigation into the workings of today’s obsolete health care system in which I personally encountered Alice-in-Wonderland practices instituted by lawsuit-shy doctors who appear to be on strike.”

Then I practiced recording the spiel without errors within the two minute allotted time frame. Who knew about editing or how to best insert music for dramatic effect? There was no time to learn. The submission deadline was only a few hours away.

To say my technical adeptness is below par is an overstatement. It’s below below par, and the cognitive dysfunction my illness was causing didn’t help matters. My DFX or digital effects gizmo kept reverting to cave echo, so my recording sounded like what you would imagine Moses might have heard on the mount when God gave him the Ten Commandments.

I’d reset it, re-record and the same confounded cave echo showed up. I quit at 13 takes because I thought I had run out of time. I found that if I turned the volume down on the recorded bit, I could get rid of the echo, but I was barely audible. With minutes left until midnight ET, I went with what I had and uploaded.

Imagine my dismay when the time stamp for my submission came back as 10:52 pm. That’s because, I later found, that the contest entry deadline was CT, not ET, because the server was physically located in the midwest. Contest rules didn’t specify a time zone for the entry submission deadline, and I swear, the contest question facilitator had indicated when asked that the time deadline was ET. I could have used that extra hour — not because I thought I’d have a winning entry, but because with a little more time I could have had an audible entry.

As it turns out, whether a listener could or couldn’t hear my audio entry became a point of contention among the handful of commenters. One commenter complained he couldn’t hear me. The next commenter defended my audio and snapped back, “I heard her loud and clear!” and so on. That anyone would defend me made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It was a good feeling. In fact, even though I didn’t make the first cut, the whole attempt was worthwhile just for the comments.

I never really understood why contestants were urged to get points by commenting on others’ audios. I suspected it had something to do with the quasi-American Idol style peer vote in choosing a winner. For some reason, I assumed the judges would actually read the comments to get a flavor of the entrant’s temperament or some indication of how the contestant would handle himself on air as a talk show host. So I pretended each commenter was the show’s next caller, whose question or comment I would respond to.

I used the forum as a means to convey some of the experiences I’ve written about in all these blogs — my experiences going from one doctor and test to the next. I also incorporated humorous anecdotes and stories to lighten such a dark subject.

It was therapy for me. It revealed to me just how angry I’d become at being in my 50s, having lost everything I worked for my whole life, including my health, and having nothing to show for my effort. I found that when you don’t know what’s upsetting you, emotions come out sideways. It made me take a hard look at what really mattered to me. I realized I needed to let go of what I thought my life was supposed to be about and just be. Here are some of what I and others wrote:

Doctorblue…
The entry heralds a presumed Thursday talk show on healthcare delivery. The premise is based on a three-year investigation into the workings of today’s obsolete system in which I personally encountered Alice-in-Wonderland practices instituted by lawsuit-shy doctors who appear to be on strike.

The dysfunctionality of
Submitted by David Erickson on May 20, 2007 – 10:14pm.
The dysfunctionality of American medicine is a terrific topic, and when I think about it, I’m amazed there isn’t already a regular NPR show for this. Well done.

Health Care – Not Medicine
Submitted by motoole3 on May 21, 2007 – 12:45pm.
Healthcare and Medicine are not the same thing! If we stop using these terms as if they were identical, we might begin to see changes in the health care system-

Healthcare v Medicine
Submitted by asgardiner on May 21, 2007 – 3:05pm.
Appreciate your input but I’m confused. Wikipedia defines medicine, in part, as “the sector of public life concerned with maintaining or restoring human health through the study, diagnosis, treatment and possible prevention of disease and injury.” Wikipedia defines healthcare as “the prevention, treatment and management of illness and the preservation of mental and physical well-being through services offered by the medical, nursing and allied health professions.” Perhaps you would care to expound on your comment to prevent misuse of the terms. Thanks

Couldn’t hear you!
Submitted by layna berman on May 21, 2007 – 9:44pm.
Your voice is so quiet. We cover stories like yours on our show, Check us out on our website!
www.yourownhealthandfitness.org

Not the same topic
Submitted by asgardiner on May 22, 2007 – 7:38pm.
Thanks for listening and commenting on my audio. I checked out your website, however, those stories seemed to focus on health issues. My concept is quite different. The intent is to create a forum to improve communication between patients and doctors to encourage change in the way healthcare is delivered. John Hockenberry and a few others have done pieces focusing on how changing the way hospitals operate improved patient/doctor satisfaction/morale cost effectively. I want to expand this concept to non-hospital patient care. Like me, there are huge numbers of Americans whose non-diagnosed inflammatory, autoimmune and other systemic illnesses rendered them disabled needlessly. The reason: neither conventional nor alternative medical doctors working alone know everything they need to know to competently treat illnesses affecting the entire body.

Very important topic
Submitted by Shanna on May 21, 2007 – 11:07pm.
I could hear you! I think a show focusing on health care and the world of medicine is a crucial topic for today’s world. Glad you are thinking and talking about it.

couldn’t hear you, but good concept
Submitted by boehmen on May 22, 2007 – 9:24am.
Hi,
I was intrigued by your concept, but could not hear you. Maybe something got screwed up on your audio. You might need to be a bit more objective, if your show goes, however.
Good luck.
Bob “Heart Works” Oehmen,
Chicago, IL

Input noted
Submitted by asgardiner May 22, 2007 – 7:07pm.
Thanks for listening to my audio, which (you guessed) was a technical conundrum put together way too late. The concept is based on my personal experience and that of other patients I met in my three year quest for competent medical care. What do you do when you can’t find a doctor knowledgeable enough to diagnose your illness? After seeing 40 doctors, some multiple times, I ended up with reams of test results showing all kinds of maladies but no comprehensive diagnosis or treatment. Then I ran out of money and insurance. And its happening to more Americans than you can imagine. You wonder why we have high medical costs. Thanks again for your input.

Thoughtful
Submitted by Schup57 on May 22, 2007 – 1:30pm.
Certainly subject matter worthy of dialogue; thanks.
Schup57

My wish
Submitted by asgardiner on May 22, 2007 – 7:44pm.
If my dream ever does come true for developing a forum to encourage change in the way healthcare is delivered, my wish is to incorporate humor in the dialogue at least as well as you did in your audio. Thanks for the input.

Terrific!
Submitted by Craig Parsons on May 23, 2007 – 2:20pm.
A great voice and a topic that is long overdue for some serious discussion. Brava!

I could use your talent
Submitted by asgardiner on May 23, 2007 – 7:43pm.
Thanks for the encouraging words. Checked out your audio. If I ever get things lined up, you’d be a welcome asset. Doctorblue

As you can see from the
Submitted by Katie Ball on May 24, 2007 – 9:55am.
As you can see from the forum discussions– this is a much needed topic for a radio program.
Best of luck to you!
-kb

Nice
Submitted by brendan70 on May 24, 2007 – 11:12pm.
What I like most about the clip was that you made your points and made it sound like a fun show to hear.

My mentors are Click & Clack
Submitted by asgardiner on May 25, 2007 – 12:33am.
Fun and funny! How can you talk about things related to bodily functions without at least a smile? Appreciate the comment.

Important!
Submitted by rebeccawirtelkbcs913 on May 25, 2007 – 2:47pm.
The info you presented is necessary to our lives,so thank you. I really like your idea of having doctors on the show and you offer crucial facts to health consumers. How you presented it was a bit crptic and even depressing(?). Use your voice more, give us your “feelings” on this. Also, be sure to offer the listener an alternative that gives choice. I think this is essential to helping people making lasting changes.
Rebecca
Whatever you vividly imagine, earnestly desire and enthusiastically act upon must inevitably come to pass.

Critique welcome and on target
Submitted by asgardiner on May 26, 2007 – 11:50am.
I’m rethinking ways to present the topic with more humor. The topic will have greater acceptance with no less impact if approached as a parody. And I know there are people out there that adore their doctors. I did too until I became really ill and realized the system’s inadequacies. The more time that passes, the more accepting you become. My fear is that I won’t be around to complete my dream. For more on this topic, check out Personal Advice in forum topics: http://www.publicradioquest.com/node/2114.
-doctorblue

You are not the only person with this type of horor story
Submitted by TheGreatWhiteBuffalo on May 27, 2007 – 9:25am.
There are many of us that have some experience with dereliction of duty by others. Be they doctors or lawyers or officers of the court. You are on the right path to enlightenment to help others tell the truth.
Peace and Blessings,
Sincerely,
Gary

Thank you
Submitted by asgardiner on May 30, 2007 – 2:20am.
It seems strange there is solace in knowing you are not alone in encountering injustice.
-Doctorblue

Doctorblue
Submitted by hulagirl on May 29, 2007 – 8:16am.
No trouble hearing you – really hearing you. Your topic is compelling not only because some of us have already experienced the same frustration during elderly parents’ illnesses, but because most of us (I fear) are doomed to have the same experience unless we can change the process. I feel badly that your focus on this issue is due to your own personal experiences, but applaud you for turning that into a positive effort to provide a forum for discussion. Good luck!

A word from Al Gore’s new book
Submitted by asgardiner on May 30, 2007 – 2:17am.
Thank you very much for your comment. It reminded me of a quote from “The Assault on Reason” by Al Gore. “The persistent …reliance on falsehoods…even in the face of massive evidence to the contrary, seems…to have reached levels that were previously unimaginable.” Gore argues that America’s citizens have become apathetic at a time when our environment is deteriorating. I have to admit, until I was forced to face the state of U.S. healthcare delivery by becoming disabled, I was too busy to notice what was going on around me. How can we be expected to participate in civic responsibilities when we have a career that requires more than 40 hour work weeks, commitments for time with our spouses and children, household responsibilities like shopping, preparing meals…I’m sure you know the drill. Plus we’re bombarded with rigorously marketed fairy tales that I believed. Tales that transcend doctors to all-knowing god-like authority figures you wouldn’t dare challenge. With everything from vaseline to all prescription medicines carrying a warning to consult your physician, my god, they must know everything! They must have some secret or magic way of keeping up with the latest science, FDA recalls and the ability to assess one’s health in five minutes or less — all while raising families, heading households and simply carrying on the American way. Some can even assess your health from five feet away. It’s astounding!

In all fairness, we should give our dental professionals equal time. I’m a little confused about when my teeth got more rights than me, though. On three separate occasions, I had to have teeth extracted because, as one dental surgeon explained, the inflammation from my sarcoidosis spread to my bone and infected the pulp in these teeth. Dentists, it seems, are unaware of this phenomenon because in each instance, I had to see an endodontist and have a $1,000 root canal before I could receive the necessary referral to an oral surgeon for tooth extraction. (Oral surgeons don’t understand and dislike this procedure because in very little time root canals make teeth brittle and difficult to extract. Extractions take much longer because the tooth breaks up into tiny pieces during the extraction process.)
An endodontist told me many dentists don’t know that X-rays don’t show tooth pulp. Dental assistants tell me many dentists take only bitewing radiographs looking for decay coming from the top or side of the tooth, not from the root. Some dentists do take panoramic radiographs which show tooth roots but in widely varying degrees of quality.

In my case, I had a panoramic X-ray clearly showing the tooth root sitting in a pool of infection, according to one oral surgeon. He said he didn’t understand why the dentist didn’t detect this outright. When I repeated the oral surgeon’s comment to my dentist, he said that was not a fair comment for the oral surgeon to make as “it (detecting infection) may be clear for someone who sees this type of X-ray regularly,” but general dentists don’t. (Huh?) My dentist is listed as one of Washingtonian Magazine’s Top Area Dentists.

As you can imagine, having an impacted tooth for one to two or more weeks while you wade through seeing all the different dental professionals before you can have your tooth removed is not only costly but quite painful. Sigh, like the doctors I saw, the dentists “can’t see anything” and won’t prescribe pain medication. In turn, the specialists won’t see you without a dentist referral. I found that the typical wait for an “emergency appointment” is from two days to two weeks depending upon the schedules of the various specialists at the time.

They say that some people who have undergone limb amputations can still feel pain in the area of the amputation. The lower left gum where I had two extractions and a bone spicule removed still aches as does the gum immediately above.
-Doctorblue

Doctorblue
Submitted by speanut on May 30, 2007 – 3:59pm.
Sorry to hear that you are personally experiencing these issues. We (my husband and I) have experienced the same. He is a chronic suffer of back pain. We have been to so many types of doctors in the last 4 years, both modern medicine and alternative medicine. We have come to no succinct conclusion, only to do the best that he can to manage the pain. A much needed topic. Good Luck!

People suffer needlessly
Submitted by asgardiner on June 1, 2007 – 2:56am.
It’s my belief that many people suffer from back pain needlessly. Pain is caused by infections that aren’t detected by modern medicine. These infections fester in the body allowing inflammation to snowball sometimes even reaching the bone. I’m speaking from experience.
The following synopsis is a bit technical and is intended to be directed toward physicians to demonstrate two points: 1) undetected infections can kill, and 2) it takes teamwork to come up with an accurate diagnosis. The discussion includes links that note the connection of the relative finding to cancer.

A physician’s assistant told me that she occasionally went to an atlas orthogonist, which is a specialized chiropractor who uses a special technique for aligning the free floating atlas (the first bone through which the spinal cord passes). If it is out of alignment, it affects nerve impulses through the spinal cord and restricts the flow of blood to the head and brain. The trauma of passing through the birth canal or a fall can cause the atlas to misalign.

The theory behind atlas orthogonal chiropractic is that once the atlas is aligned, the rest of the vertebra self adjust as in a chain reaction (think dominoes). Radiographs showed my atlas had shifted to the right thereby closing off a portion of the spinal cord opening. After atlas adjustment, I experienced some sinus drainage, but the chain reaction that was to occur encountered roadblocks at a spot between the shoulder blades and another at the lower back. Movement became increasingly difficult. My theory is that because my condition had gone on for such a long time undiagnosed, inflammation was preventing these discs from adjusting on their own. Manual chiropractic adjustments provided instantaneous relief, but didn’t hold beyond a day or two.

X-ray of my cervical spine taken in spring 2005 was positive for spinal cord compression syndrome. (The discs about my neck were fusing together.) PA and lateral chest X-rays showed anterior degenerative spurring present at multiple levels within the thoracic spine. Impressions also showed cervicobrachial syndrome, lumbago and subluxation of C1 and T4.
In 1977, I was hospitalized with an infection in my right kidney. Abdominal, pelvic and transvaginal pelvic sonograms taken in May 2005 showed mild fullness of the right renal collecting system and the right renal pelvis prominent in size, which the report states, may be related to reflux but “obstruction cannot be fully excluded.”

(In some diseases, epithelial cells desquamate into the renal tubule. As the cell degenerates, the fatty deposits in the cell join with protein to form fatty casts, which are associated with nephrotic syndrome/nephrosis. Epithelial cells can conglomerate into tubular granular casts suggestive of glomerulonephritis with adenomyosis. I was seeing a chiropractor for years for arthritis which turned out to be pseudogout (low uric acid blood level, calcium pyrophosphate crystals). At one point, the pain in my mid-back was so severe from amassed crystals passing through the kidney, I called my primary care physician pleading for pain relief. He said no.
You should know radiographic dyes may cause precipitation of crystals. Calcium phosphate and oxalate crystals occur in urine of patients with malabsorption states or parathyroid abnormalities Tests showed I had both.

I was surprised to find that it is not uncommon for such abnormalities to be missed by the standard urinalysis conducted in a doctor’s office. Lab refrigeration, culture and microscopic examination of the specimen only takes place if urinalysis indicates infection. I was unaware that it is common practice to strip test a room temperature urine sample only after any debris or casts settle. Crystals are part of the casts that break up as urine sits, and therefore, go undetected. In addition, urine ph becomes alkaline upon standing because urea splitting bacteria produces ammonia. Urine ph of an uncovered specimen becomes alkaline because carbon dioxide vaporizes into the air.

I obtained the most useful information about my condition from the results of more expensive and more detailed specialized tests with which most of the doctors I saw were unfamiliar and unwilling to consider. For instance, a Doctor’s Data stool specimen study showed an elevated abnormal level of secretory IgA (central to the normal function of the GI tract) and elevated lactoferrin (a biomarker of inflammation indicative of conditions such as Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis.)

The operative report for colonoscopy shows diffuse inflammatory change with ulceration and friability consistent with left-sided colitis along with small internal hemorrhoids. The gastroenterologist prescribed Asacol to dissipate the mucoidal plaque buildup in my intestines. At the follow up consult, the gastroenterologist told me that the colonoscopy revealed ulcerative colitis with fistula formations but that he tailored the operative report to show only non-specific colitis to avoid the potential of patient medical insurance cancellation.

The operative report states the patient tolerated the procedure well. I could hardly move for the next day and a half as the air that was pumped into my intestines during the procedure slowly dissipated along with the gas pain. I felt like I was a big South Park Kenny floating air balloon gradually deflating and falling back to earth. I was extremely nauseous.

This was the year scientists won a nobel prize for discovering H pylori. Since I had been hospitalized in 1983 for bleeding ulcers, I asked to be tested for H pylori. The test was positive.

I’ve suffered from chronic constipation ever since I can remember. However, many physicians don’t consider this a serious complication. They insist a suppository, laxative or increased fiber and water will take care of the condition. They quickly switch the discussion to inquiries about occurrences of diarrhea.

Abdominal and pelvic CT scans taken before and after the colonoscopy note a possible severe level of constipation along with decompression of the descending colon and prominent small bowel loops. Further evaluation to exclude an underlying obstructing mass was recommended.

The SBFT or Small Bowel Follow Through X-ray series ordered to address my concerns of slow food transit (motility) showed a tangled mass near the cecum in the small intestine on the tv screen during the procedure. The physician completing the test displayed increasing angst over the barium’s refusal to move beyond the mass. I had to keep walking the halls of the hospital in between X-ray sessions in order to get the barium to move through to the large intestine. To keep warm as I walked, I draped multiple blankets around the skimpy patient hospital gown I was wearing. I looked like I was wearing a ridiculous bulging toga.

During the last few X-ray sessions, the attending assistant exhibited increasing anxiety over the way the physician was using the paddle on my abdomen to get the barium to move beyond the mass. His instructions for me to roll from side to side and from stomach to back made me feel like a flopping fish out of water. At one point the attending assistant remarked “You took that last beating well.” My inquiries about what was on screen and the potential for a partial obstruction were met at first with such quips as “I don’t know” to a later exasperation of “Look, I can’t leave until the barium moves through to the large intestine” followed by his pulling the monitor closer to him and draping the monitor’s black covering over his head so that I could no longer see the projected live radiograph images. His report findings read “no obstruction” in response to the gastroenterologist’s order to rule out Crohn’s Disease. I later found out that he was a per diem hospital physician filling in.

The above referenced test results are only the tip of iceberg. I have tons more to tell you if you need the information for diagnostic purposes. Hopefully, you’re beginning to see the correlation of undiagnosed infection and cancer.
-Doctorblue

A Michael Moore-like Horror Story
Submitted by burkemancometh on June 2, 2007 – 2:56pm.
You know, it’s great that there are people in the media who are willing to do the muckraking work on the medical field. Even though the medical profession is bourgeoning these days, there are still millions of people who don’t have healthcare, and the Bush Administration appears to have done nothing about this. I bring up Michael Moore because I know he has a movie coming out soon about the healthcare crisis plaguing America. I know I’m going to be depressed as hell after seeing it, but it will be informative and hopefully, like Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth”, promote some sort of change in society.

With that said, I think you have the right idea for your show, and it could be a show that could effectively combat what has become a societal crisis. So I think the idea you have for your show is fantastic. You confused me a little at the end when you said that you weren’t a doctor, even though you call yourself “Doctor Blue”. That could have used a little more clarification even though you had only two minutes to speak. I would have liked to have heard more about how you were affected by the healthcare crisis, and why exactly you decided to dedicate a whole show to how bad it is. It would have been very helpful and engaging to have heard your side of the story. But of course, there’s only so much you can fit into two minutes.

But for what it’s worth, what you have so far it a relatively good start subject-wise. I had to turn my computer speakers all the way up to hear you, but I certainly won’t hold that against you. Good job otherwise.

Michael Moore Competition?
Submitted by asgardiner on June 2, 2007 – 6:41pm.
Thank you for the kind words. Just to clarify, one meaning for the word ‘blue’ is melancholy or depressed. I’m doctorblue because I’m depressed about how doctors are selling out the greater good of humankind. Take this week’s conundrum over the Georgia attorney/tuberculosis patient who flew to Italy to get married even though he was on a U.S. no fly list. Authorities are now looking for some of the passengers on his flight to see if they were infected. And now the attorney’s father-in-law who works at the CDC as a researcher engaged in research on tuberculosis is singing “It’s All Right.” In reporting the story the media is giving equal weight to this one researcher’s contentions as previous tests that show this to be an extremely virulent strain. I guess we believe what we want to and what is convenient. This is not the first time there have been reports of patients with tuberculosis in the U.S.

Being disabled the last three years, I’m home and listen to NPR and the news all day long. I love how some newscasters just broadcast one story after the next as if someone is standing there feeding them lines. “Read this. OK, now read this. This is a funny story, so smile. This one is sad, so be serious…” Do they have any idea what they are saying? Do they think about how the news story impacts not only their life but the potential for affecting a nation or the world?

My aunt in Poland had tuberculosis. The microbe is extremely slow growing — much too slow for the CDC researcher to have taken a current culture and have gotten the results he is telling us. By the way, do you think he has anything at stake — like his family being quarantined?

You mentioned you wanted to hear more of my story. I have interspersed parts of my story within the comments here and on a forum called Personal Advice. (The links are below my signature.) In the story, there are a couple of examples of how easy it is to obtain false negatives on lab tests. I have an entire soapbox on why typical lab tests are unreliable. Believe it or not, I’ve obtained my information from doctors.

I’m willing to bet my life that there are doctors out there who know the truth but are scared to come clean. They’re scared because whistleblowers are unpopular and end up jobless and broke. Americans don’t like to hear news that makes them sad or depressed. They like to laugh, which attests to the popularity of all the sit-coms on TV. Hopefully, some are watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report and are putting two and two together with the real messages Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert put forth. Unfortunately, we all have this “What can I do? I’m just one person attitude.” So we all continue to bury our heads in the sand and go about our business, that is, until things catch up with you and you end up sick like me, trusting an institution whose marketing efforts have brainwashed you into thinking of doctors as all-knowing gods. If they’re so all-knowing, why can’t they answer my questions with better answers than “Nothing I haven’t seen before” and things like “Yeast doesn’t travel alone?” I can’t decode this doctorspeak, can you?

But this is how our politically correct Seinfeld syndrome society talks. Mustn’t mention poop or fungus. Doesn’t exist. Nasty. Well if you can’t talk to your doctor about such issues, who can you discuss them with? Kids don’t get head lice and pass it to one another? South Park did a show in which the kids of an entire class ended up with head lice, but they all pretended only one scapegoat kid actually had the head lice, and they were going to stone him.

And think of this. If you lived in Iraq today and the battles were destroying everything around you, preventing you from earning a living, would you join an insurgency so you could at least feed your family? I would or kill myself. Wake up white people! And I say white because that is the color of those in power — our leadership who expounds the American way of carrying on as usual, as if there is nothing to be concerned about.

If you read through some of my stories, you’ll see that I can say these things intending no harm nor ill will toward anyone because I feel like I have been tortured — x-rayed to death. I don’t wish radiation poisoning on anyone. It’s like being part of a science fiction movie. You can’t clean it up. And that’s where we’re headed. We ended one world war that way, why not another? No one’s coming up with anything better. Let’s all just start over on another planet. The rich folk who accompanied astronauts recently are probably scoping out the new neighborhood already.

One last thing. I believe Ross Perot was on to something with his cautions about jumping into the global economy. Why does everything have to be an extreme? You either do this or that? Is there no middle ground? Is there no smart way to participate in the global economy without sacrificing a nation’s people by radiating all imported food or the imported ingredients of food manufactured in the U.S.?

I could go on and on but I feel it’s useless. You’ve probably already marked me as some liberal loon fighting the establishment — a throwback from the 60s. Maybe you’d be right. I’d like to see the House and the Senate come together on a pseudo bill that re-establishes the draft. Don’t get me wrong, I’m against the draft. Been there. Wore the t-shirt. This is the only way you might touch American hearts to get them riled up enough to end this madness in Iraq and elsewhere.

I’ve said my piece for now. Again, I’m quite complimented by your allusion to being anywhere on the same plane with Michael Moore.
-Doctorblue

Your expression is
Submitted by ursabear on June 1, 2007 – 11:35pm.
Your expression is heartfelt, real, and human. I was engaged the entire listen.
I sincerely hope your future has warm bright stars and much peace. I’m glad you shared.
Jimmy
—
Heartfelt, Real, Human
Submitted by asgardiner on June 2, 2007 – 12:20am.
Who could ask for more? You’re too kind. God bless. -Doctorblue

Personal Advice
Submitted by asgardiner on May 23, 2007 – 2:02pm. :: Off-topic discussions

What would you do if you were really sick and you couldn’t get a doctor to diagnose or treat you? All you kept getting was a referral to another doctor and prescriptions for further testing. How many doctors should it take to get a diagnosis?

Well I trust the internet
Submitted by brendan70 on May 23, 2007 – 3:29pm.
I would go to web md and if that fails I would google my symtoms until something came up that kinda matches how I feel. Then go back to doctor A and tell him you think you have (insert google search result here) and see if he agrees. The quack was too lazy to diagnose you in the first place so make him look it up on google. Actually there was a book on John Stewart or the Colbert Report by a doctor about doctors and a section of it was how doctors if you press them when they do not know what is wrong will make up an anwser. If someone knows the name of the book, that may be the best thing to read and to get advise. At least it is written by someone that has a doctorate, not someone that plays a doctor.
Have glass of Pino Grecio, relax, listen to a few clips, and click a few stars!!!!!!!

I did the internet and book thing
Submitted by asgardiner on May 23, 2007 – 8:10pm.
Thanks for your advice. Really. Because I did what you recommended and brought my print outs to this one pulmonary cardiologist. His response: “You can print out the whole internet. I’m not going to change my opinion.” I have a slew of different doctors’ quotes for my upcoming website: “Stupid things doctors told me.” This same doctor started answering his own yes-no symptom questions when I took more than two seconds to answer. A couple of times we chimed opposing answers simultaneously. I could go on…The book is probably “How Doctors Think” by Jerome Groopman, MD. I recommend it. His research is based on extensive doctor interviews and his own experience as both patient and doc. Thanks again. I love the emotional support. —doctorblue

the bottom line
Submitted by chadbullock on May 23, 2007 – 3:48pm.
the bottom line is this: if you think something is seriously wrong with you…keep going to another doctor…keep pushing for diagnosis, and keep after a second opinion once you recieve it….because you could be a dead man walking and not even know it! dont play with your health…your just another patient to the doctor…he could probably care less if your really sick as long as your insurance keeps paying up that’s all they care about!

so how many is enough?
Submitted by asgardiner on May 23, 2007 – 8:15pm.
Appreciate the input, but working on the assumption that all you will get is another doctor referral, how many doctors would you see before throwing in the towel or dropping dead?
-doctorblue

Working on assumptions
Submitted by brendan70 on May 23, 2007 – 9:19pm.
Well if the doctors are just turning out to be a waste of time, then try to find some sort of group that actually faces the same issues as you. They may actually be of help since it is easier to follw someone elses footsteps than it is to make your own.
Have glass of Pino Grecio, relax, listen to a few clips, and click a few stars!!!!!!!
mmmm…
Submitted by chadbullock on May 23, 2007 – 2:35pm.
after 2 doctors fail you, I would go to an out of town doctor….I live in North Carolina…in my home town doctors are idiots…so if they cant fix me on the first visit..then I go to Duke or Chapel Hill and see a doctor over there…they’re some of the best doctors in the country…the same should apply to you…you know where to find an expert doctor or hospital with-in driving distance…

I hear you
Submitted by asgardiner on May 23, 2007 – 10:31pm.
I have great respect for both Duke and Chapel Hill based on relationships I developed with folk from there a long time ago.
-doctorblue

Nurses
Submitted by Sallyfranz on May 23, 2007 – 8:00pm.
Nurses have the dirt on everyone. They know which doctors are witch!
If you don’t know any nurses, get thee to a well known clinic. Mayo, John Hopkins, Harvard Medical,etc.
I have transverse myelitis. My initial attack was at a ski area. They treated me for high altitude sickness for 2 days. Finally a docotor friend of mine asked them to get a neurologist. The expert diagnosed me in 5 minutes.
If it had been a few more hours I would be in a wheelchair, for life.
Take the bull by the horns, this is your life.
The experts on longevity say:
Get off all processed foods, stop using plastic wrap in the kitchen or microwave. Eat raw foods everyday.
No flour, no sugar, no alcohol,low carbs.
No sodas, no fake sugar, or fake milk.
Drink water,lots of water 10 glasses a day.
Shop for food on the outside perimeter of your grocery store. There is nothing for you (except maybe toilet paper, deo, and toothpaste) inside those rows.
Meditate, or if you’re like me and a bit ADD, then watch LOTS of funny movies 4-6 hours a day.
Listen to your body. It is trying to tell you something.
Good luck, being sick is not worth the cards and balloons.
Sally
“Both faith and fear are the belief in things not seen.” S. Franz

Very good advice…listen up, y’all
Submitted by asgardiner on May 23, 2007 – 9:54pm.
Thank you for your response and particularly for sharing your experience. I think it’s very difficult for those who haven’t experienced a major bout with their health to understand. You might imagine that being disabled, not working and being very concerned about my health during the last three years, I’ve amassed a small medical library of literature, all of which recite this advice, which I’ve been following with occasional indulgences (I’m human.)I was not aware of the plastic wrap, though, and I’m not sure what “fake” milk is. In fact, many sources encourage drinking rice or almond milk. Anyway, if you haven’t heard Sallyfranz’s audio, it’s boss!
–doctorblue
p.s. Regarding Johns Hopkins, Mayo Clinic, etc. I haven’t found one person who was treated at either facility or one doctor who recommends either. In fact, one doctor told me about a patient of hers with a systemic infection that went to Hopkins. When the requisite routine tests came out “normal,” the patient landed in the mental ward. In fairness, doctors whose egos I wounded by quoting information from relevant published works did tell me that I should go see those doctors or to Johns Hopkins or the Mayo Clinic if I thought doctors there knew more.

If I were really sick and
Submitted by David B Erickson on May 23, 2007 – 8:27pm.
If I were really sick and couldn’t get a doctor to diagnose and treat me…well, I’d probably stay really sick until I got better or died. Ever read Richard Hofstader’s “Social Darwinism In American Life”? It seems that’s where we are now: Those of us who survive are judged virtuous by reason of our survival. Oh well. Any sacrifice to avoid the evil of Socialized Medicine…

Get better or die on your own
Submitted by asgardiner on May 23, 2007 – 9:11pm.
Comment welcome. In fact, that’s exactly what one infectious diseases specialist told me after running a CBC and blood tests for STDs. Even though the tests were unremarkable, he prescribed doxycycline (a member of the tetracycline antibiotics) which he said should cover anything missed. When I told him I suspected I was exposed to Stachybotrys toxic black mold and asked about prescribing Amphotericin B, he told me he had treated a couple of patients exposed to mold with IVs of Amphotericin B, and the bodily toll was worse than if they were doing chemotherapy. He was unaware that a 2% nasal spray of the compound is readily prescribed, relatively safe and very helpful for certain fungal sinus infections. And yes, I’m aware of Hofstader’s acclaimed books.
A note on blood test reliability: as long as you have enough red blood cells – even if they’re star-shaped, machine based count shows normal. And the applicable definition of normal is “average” as in the condition of blood of the average Joe. Have you seen “Super Size Me”? -doctorblue

It’s absolutely crazy how often this happens
Submitted by Katie Ball on May 23, 2007 – 11:55pm.
I was misdiagnosed for about six years. I was “stressed,” the pain was “all in my head.” Finally, I ended up in the emergency room, the pain in my side was so bad. When the doctor finally arrived I was laughing. And he got really pissed. He said, “If you’re in so much pain, why are you laughing?” I said, “I’ve been misdiagnosed for years–I’ve got more pain killers than Elvis and I took one while waiting for you!” The long and short of it, he was the one to mention endometriosis because I had kept a journal of the pain and symptoms (and it mirrored troubles his wife had had). I cannot stress the importance of proper note taking enough. If you are having trouble getting western doctors to think outside the box, do your homework, take extensive notes and don’t take anyone’s word with blind faith. If I had listened to one gyn I would have had a hysterectomy at 21. Now, at 36 I feel terrific and everything’s still in tact. And like Chad said– if you can’t find a doctor locally who will really listen to you– find another doctor. Also, acupuncture and eastern medicine is remarkable. Even if you only choose it to help boost what your western doctors are doing, eastern medicine can help get your body running on all cylinders.
Best of luck to you,
kb

thanks for sharing your experience
Submitted by asgardiner on May 24, 2007 – 1:37am.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard stories about what one doctor termed patients “making the rounds” before finding a doctor who was familiar with the patient’s ailment. When they find this doctor, many of the women cry because finally — after years of suffering — someone is telling them that there is a physical reason for their pain and that they are not just crazy. Don’t doctors realize that irregularities cause chemical reactions in the body that are toxic? If you let infection (pus) fester long enough, it eventually reaches the brain and causes secondary conditions like schizophrenia.
A former co-worker who suffered from migraines and epilepsy relayed the following encounter. This doctor diagnosed her ailments as psychosomatic best treated with anti-depressants. When she told her husband, a police officer, about the encounter, he insisted on accompanying her on a follow-up visit. Uniformed complete with holstered sidearm, he entered the doctor’s office with his wife and proceeded to place his gun on the doctor’s desk as he sat down, then said something to the effect of “Now tell me about this all-in-your-head diagnosis.” The doctor proceeded to order a series of tests whose results prompted the doctor to prescribe medications recommended for epilepsy and migraine headaches. Anyone know where I can rent a cop?
-doctorblue

dr. blue
Submitted by chadbullock on May 24, 2007 – 8:05am.
I’m telling you, I’m actually getting concerned about you…..would you be up to sharing your symptoms with us?? sometimes the ordinary folks can give quite the accurate diagnosis…because we all have had our own medical problems and so has our family and friends….maybe we could help if we knew some of your symptoms???

Ready to bare all
Submitted by asgardiner on May 25, 2007 – 8:16pm.
What a sweetheart you are for caring. Really. I was considering posting as many medical test and imaging reports as practical on my yet to be designed website doctorblues.org along with a description of what actually transpired and was said by physicians during imaging and at follow up consultations. There are huge discrepancies for some of the reasons I mention in my audio http://publicradioquest.com/audio/user/6076 (ie: afraid dire health remarks will cause patient insurance cancellation, not wanting to ruffle feathers with referring physicians and cut off a source of income, worrying about malpractice suits if proven wrong, double-booking or being late for another appointment as a per diem hospital physician so there’s no time to write more than two words on the report that don’t even address the prescribing doctor’s concern…and some of my all time favorite doctor beliefs: there’s no such thing as an overgrowth of Candida Albicans, a component of everyone’s normal flora; fungal yeast infections are solely vaginal and do not occur anywhere else in the body, and Americans who don’t travel don’t get parasitic infections.)(I guess these docs don’t hike, swim or hunt.)

After three years of research, I have tons of information and a personal guestimate of what’s wrong with me and what it’s going to take to cure. The symptoms are the same as those that affected my close relatives, most of which died never properly diagnosed. My theory is that if you let disease fester in the body long enough, it not only causes secondary and tiertiary conditions to develop as the body tries to heal itself, it also causes cells to mutate into cancer…but I digress.
In keeping with the trend to try to get all of a patient’s information together in one place to assist diagnosis, I am willing to make all of it available. I even have copies of my CT scans, MRIs and other radiographic films. Think of it as a virtual Seinfold episode. You know, the one in which Kramer acts out the symptoms of syphilis in front of doctor wannabees who have to guess what ailment the pseudo patient has. A contest of sorts. Perhaps we could pit the medical community against laypeople to see who can accurately determine what’s wrong with me and how to cure it. Maybe there could be competition among medical universities…I haven’t worked out the details and doubt the appropriateness of such a venture here. What makes seeking out the root cause of disease so complicated and time consuming is sifting through all the peripheral illnesses that occur as a result of the initial illness not being diagnosed and treated from the outset. I’d be interested in ideas as to how to go about partnering with an organization involved in getting patient health information online and accessible. I’ll also welcome assistance from anyone who wants to help me with my website registered through go daddy. I already paid for all kinds of website services almost a year ago, but being ill, have not been able to take advantage of this.
-doctorblue
ps If I get my images online, the site will be X-ray Rated!

you might want to rethink referrals…
Submitted by mflewell on May 24, 2007 – 9:04am.
Referrals from one doctor to another is not always the best way to get an objective analysis of your condition. They all cover for each other and are not likely to “disagree” with what a colleague’s (eg, the referring physician’s) presumptive diagnosis (or lack of one).
I almost died last summer from sepsis at one of the best academic medical centers in the country. Long story, but basically, I developed a severe infection, but they could not figure out what “bug,” so despite them pumping me full of bag after bag of antibiotics I was going downhill fast. A string of doctors referred to me/called into consult just kept confirming what the last guy said, scratching their head, etc. They call it “group think.” I asked them if it could be yeast instead of a bacteria. They all said “no way.” So one doc after another kept taking blood cultures but only let them grow out 3 days (long enough for bacteria, but not for yeast). Finally, the lab kept a culture around long enough and they figured out it was candida glibrata, which is resistant to everything they had been treating me with. Another day of group think would have killed me. Literally.
I recommend researching on your own, and finding a physician who has done research in the disease state that is most likely applicable. For example, if you think you might have endometriosis, go on PubMed and see who’s publishing a lot on endo in your area, and try to get in to see them.
If you want to email me privately, I’d be happy to give you more specific advice. I’m a medical writer/journalist, and I’m good with research and know a lot about different medical centers, clinicians, etc.
Good luck, and take care. Michelle in NC

Yeast is a huge issue
Submitted by asgardiner on May 24, 2007 – 4:56pm.
Thanks Michelle for sharing your experience. I have a huge soapbox on what’s wrong with mainstream medical testing from blood tests to the illness-appropriateness of the typically ordered imaging tests. You touched on this in mentioning not giving cultures enough time to grow. Today’s tests typically only pick up an existing abnormality maybe half the time, and by then, the affected organ is functioning at 10-40%. That’s why specialists tell me they usually only see patients much sicker than me.
-Doctorblue

I agree
Submitted by Katie Ball on May 24, 2007 – 9:51am.
I suspected it was endo before anyone else did, but only after a lot of research and keeping a symptoms journal. Luckily my condition was something that wasn’t life-threatening. It’s a messed up world when you wake from a surgery hoping they found it and that you weren’t slightly insane. Let’s face it– if someone in a perceived position of authority tells you the grass is purple long enough (and with enough conviction), wouldn’t you start to wonder? There are great doctors out there but there are so many more that enjoy pushing the latest drug of fashion and don’t recognize you as an individual. More than anything I think it’s important to find a doctor who will LISTEN to you and who will think outside the norm. While I agree that referrals from one lame doctor to another isn’t a good idea– referrals from real people is a great idea. If your symptoms start to add up to one particular ailment (or are similar to a few), maybe check out forums set up for those conditions. Though it took surgery to prove the presence of endo, I received huge amounts of comfort and support from the Endometriosis Association. Through this group I met scores of women who were told the same things I was (and some with far worse experiences). Whatever your symptoms or condition, there are forums out there discussing it. It’s said a lot but knowledge IS power– You deserve to be heard and cured.
If I can help, please let me know.
-kb

Refreshing thoughts, thanks
Submitted by asgardiner on May 25, 2007 – 2:33am.
I love hearing people who expound what I too believe. I particularly like your statement about believing authority figures. The ubiquitous “Got milk?” promo doesn’t hold a candle to the bang up marketing gig devised to convince the public doctors were all-knowing gods. Even vaseline has a warning to consult your doctor.
I have multiple maladies noted in various test results. But pointing out what’s different as in the Highlight magazine Pete and Repeat feature does not a diagnosis make. What I need is a team of doctors to meet together and hash out the best approach.
I look at this like bowling. If you can guess the root cause of disease, it’s like getting a strike–you hit the head pin and the rest fall down. But our medical system of specialists operate as islands onto themselves. They dare not trespass into another specialist’s territory. That’s not how the body works. Something wrong with the heart can affect the hands and feet due to lack of oxygen. The doctors I encountered are all like starting bowlers, plicking off a pin here and there and even throwing some gutter balls because they’re looking at the body as a conglomeration of isolated parts with the assumption that the rest of the body is functioning optimally. They prescribe medication without even thinking about how it might affect something else going on in the patient’s body.
Case in point. In fall 2003 a saliva test detected I had a Candida albicans imbalance in my normal flora. Research attributes Candida overgrowth in part to widespread use of antibiotics, steroids, birth control pills and overconsumption of sweets. This information simply did not register with the gynecologist I consulted about severe abdominal pain and endometriosis detected by ultrasonography. After telling her point blank that estrogen encourages yeast growth, she proceeded to prescribe a contraceptive estrogen patch to alleviate the pain. The next gynecologist my primary doctor referred simply said: “You’re around 50. Just wait a few months, it’ll all go away. You can wait that long can’t you?” Years later, it hadn’t gone away.
-doctorblue

Does radiology increase yeast growth?
Submitted by asgardiner on May 25, 2007 – 7:55pm.
Here’s a weird thought out of the blue. Today Science Friday had a segment about a study that showed melanin-containing fungi use radiation as energy to grow much like plants use chlorophyll in photosynthesis. Host Ira Flatow asked one of the scientists on the project, Ekaterina Dadachova from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, if there were any practical implications from the study for humans. She responded that the structure of the fungi melanin is similar to that found in human skin and hair.
One of my major challenges has been trying to rid my body of an extreme amount of inflammation and yeast — an amount doctors told me they’ve “never seen before.” Radiologists complain in their reports that the amount of inflammation obscures their ability to discern anything. One doctor told me that my yeast condition resembled that seen in ICU cancer patients.
Question: Are doctors’ desire for x-ray vision causing my condition to worsen?
Food for thought. The research article “Ionizing Radiation Changes the Electronic Properties of Melanin and Enhances the Growth of Melanized Fungi” can be found at www.plosone.org.
-doctorblue

Wow, think of the possibilities
Submitted by Katie Ball on May 25, 2007 – 8:55pm.
That’s like the good of antibiotics being cancelled out when they attack the good bacteria or prevent your body from learning to heal itself, but the prospect of your tests actually making your condition worse just sounds terrible. It’s good that you’re looking at things from every angle though.
Have you ever read “Our stolen future?” I couldn’t get through the whole thing because it’s enough to make you want to bury your head in the sand, but I didn’t get rid of the thing either. It’s about the effects of dioxins (from bleached paper, plastic, etc) and other everyday items of convenience. I got it years back at an endo meeting. One of the very worst things about auto immune disorders is that you do your best to get a handle on one set of symptoms and then something else like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue or hypogylcemia comes along. Not cool at all.
Keep your head up and keep looking for answers. Best, kb

Think of the possibilities indeed!
Submitted by asgardiner on May 26, 2007 – 10:44am.
What came to mind are all the cancer patients being treated with radiation and being x-rayed after surgery to see if the cancer was removed. My mom died of cancer July 4, 1997. Seeing what the disease, surgeries and radiation treatments did to her was like watching a science fiction movie. She had sarcoidosis. I have her exact symptoms.
Sarcoidosis is characterized by the presence of granulomas. I had my tonsils removed a few years ago. The operative report cites the presence of granulomas. I have nearly every symptom listed for the disease in The Merck Manual.
Symptoms include low-grade fever, dry cough, shortness of breath, fatigue, brain fog, flu-like symptoms, aching joints, enlarged lymph nodes, multiple cysts, skin lesions and inflammation about the eyes.
I was seeing chiropractors for years for arthritis which turned out to be pseudogout (low uric acid blood level, calcium pyrophosphate crystals). At one point, the pain in my mid-back was so severe from amassed crystals passing through the kidney, I called my primary care physician pleading for pain relief. He said no. Thankfully, the pain stopped the next day once the crystals passed.
With little help forthcoming from the medical community in determining or treating what was wrong with me, I decided to do it myself. I began collecting my medical records and researching various diseases. I read the Merck Manual from front to back twice, flagging specific sections with so many multi-colored stickers, it appears shroud in confetti. I scoured the internet and bought all kinds of medical books, journals, manuals–you name it.
I was surprised to find information in my records never disclosed to me by my primary care physician, such as testing positive for Epstein – Barr virus and euthyroidism. Instead, my complaints of fatigue were met with prescriptions for anti-depressants. I stopped taking the drug at the recommendation of an endocrinologist who felt it was causing some of my health problems.
I began asking doctors to order specific tests and prescribe certain medication. You can imagine this did not go over well, so I had to come up with ways to convince them of the appropriateness of my requests. This involved producing relevant published case studies by doctor-respected physicians, getting compounding pharmacists to call and fax the doctor information, and having specialized labs provide instructions for collecting and sending blood samples.
From this I found that I had an H pylori bacterial infection, possible Aspergillus infection, anemia with no iron stores, a good possibility of Babesiosis, and the probability that I had the beginnings of cancer. I also obtained anti-fungal medications that would not have otherwise been prescribed.
There’s a lot more to this story.
-Doctorblue

There is a cancer center in Carpenteria, CA
Submitted by Sallyfranz on May 30, 2007 – 3:42am.
Issels (sp?) Cancer center helped a friend rid his body of liver cancer in three weeks.
He had all the chemo he could stand and found this place. It’s not woo-woo New Age. It is based on solid reseach from German institutes. Their goal is to change your food intake and teach your body to make anti-bodies to fight the cancer with a medical procedure.
Please contcat me via my bio if you want more info.
Sallyfranz
“Both faith and fear are the belief in things not seen.” S. Franz

Pockets Empty
Submitted by asgardiner on May 31, 2007 – 3:00am.
I’ve been unable to work the last three years. I spent a good chunk of my retirement money on doctors and testing in the hopes I would get diagnosed and treated quickly. Fat chance. Now the money’s gone, and all I have are all these test results. My last hope is just to piece this together and show doctors that by truly working together, they can easily come up with real diagnoses and actually cure patients. Thanks for the tip nonetheless.
-Doctorblue

How has the radio contest changed your life?

Positive Therapy
Submitted by asgardiner on May 23, 2007 – 10:20pm.
First, I can’t believe I’m writing this. I guess I’m feeling pretty good about making a personal discovery by participating in this contest. As I listened to various audios and read various posted comments, I noticed that now and then I was getting angry or upset or feeling something I didn’t want to be feeling. So one night I stayed up until 5am determined to come up with an uplifting belief to submit to “This I Believe.” I struggled with the concept of not being able to write about my great accomplishment achieved after overcoming severe hardship–of not having moved from surviving to thriving with a story you’d hear about on Oprah. I’m still in the surviving, trying-to-get-there state. I finally came to realize that to me not having given up on a dream in the face of defeat after defeat is an accomplishment I can be proud of — even if I haven’t yet achieved the dream. I have to tell you, I’m now having a blast with this! The accumulation of talent, wit and insight here is remarkable! We should all get together at the end and have a big wing ding or something.
-doctorblue
That was extremely inspiring
Submitted by The Q on June 1, 2007 – 7:52pm.
That was extremely inspiring doctorblue.
I have had some real setbacks and disappointments the past six months– it gets you down and you wonder if you even have a right to ‘dream’ when you’re struggling with some of the basic stuff of life. I came to the same conclusion you did recently, and it may be that this contest was a catalyst for that.
The harder the knocks the more determined I am to dream big and to do what I believe is right. It may not always look practical, and it may not seem worthy to some, but I know what is worth my time and energy and what I want to accomplish with my life.
I hope the very best for you! ADQ

I agree with the wonderful Q
Submitted by ursabear on June 1, 2007 – 11:36pm.
Very inspiring thoughts… yes, you can, and should, be proud of you.
Jimmy

~ by doctorblue on December 6, 2008.